5. iPhones

With its rounded corners, colourful display, and difficult-to-swallow design, the iPhone better resembles a child’s toy than a sophisticated multimedia device. However its easily identifiable design and high cost (roughly $2,000 per year) make the iPhone a necessity in the medical student’s inventory. For the pre-clinical student, the iPhone serves a myriad of functions, such as disrupting lecture with its xylophone-themed ringtones and text alerts, being left out in the open to be stolen, and running out of batteries in between dropped calls. In addition, clerkship students can use the iPhone to look up arcane facts while pretending to take a shit in order to humiliate their classmates in front of an attending.

The next time a fourth year Anaesthesiology hopeful frantically insists that she “loves children” and has “always wanted to do Pediatrics” but couldn’t due to a crushing student loan burden, suggest that she get an iPhone (which she almost certainly already has). With dazzling 4G speed, she can calculate what portion of her $350,000 per annum salary she must set aside to repay her loans. There’s an app for that.